mandyfat's Xanga

Monday, August 27, 2007

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 04:08:46 GMT

my boyfriend saw a picture of me from last summer and said "wow, you used to be pretty chunky" and laughed.

i weigh the same now as a did then. iv gained back every pic of weight i had lost. i have totally and completely failed myself.

i am eatting salads everyday at lunch during the school year, skipping breakfast, and not getting home from soccer practice till 630 everynight so i can maybe skip dinner as well. but i need to lose weight. im desperate. i hate the way i look. i have always though that i have too much fat, but am not nessicarily "fat". i ahve just always wanted to be so much thinner. but that has changed. im fat now. i hate seeing myself naked. im ashamed to let my boyfriend see me anything less than fully clothed. i look in the mirror and wish i hadnt. i am tired of complaining, i need to start making drastic changes.

this needs to go.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 03:30:35 GMT

my stomach has hurt everytime ive eatten for like 2 weeks. so i stopped eatting. im currently 108 and still dropping.

i got the best compliment today: "Mandi, you really should start eatting. You're honestly starting to look like a skeleton...no offense" it made my day.

it makes me cry to see these girls. i wish i could be like them. look like them. and im not usually one to conform. i feel like ive failed ana.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 04:40:42 GMT

118.5

i was 114 a few days ago. but then i ended up across the state in a drom room alonw with nothing but an annoying cat and some food for like 3 days. then i totaled my car and got my liscense taken away for like 6 months.. which i think allows for a little comfort food. cookies or suicial depression seemed like the only 2 options i had... i chose cookies.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 20:09:01 GMT

still about 123... i would have like to have lost more.. but oh well.

im on birth control and like 3 medicines that all make me gain weight, and my thyroid levels are all SUPER high which make me gain weight AND makes it reaally hard not to lose weigh. hopefully going to start taking thyroid lower-ers and then weigh loss will be easier. i guess now that i know ive only gained like 10 pounds when i should ahve gained much more its kinda reassuring.

im going to try to be a healthier ana... is there a such thing as that?

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 17:01:48 GMT

123.

much better. 4.5 down, 5.5 to go

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 03:09:40 GMT

failing miserably as usual.

TODAYS WEIGHT: 127 YESTERDAYS WEIGHT: 126 (WTF?)

yesterday - 3grams of fat, like 400 calories? SICK
(then i purged)

today- AHH i ate mac and cheese then looked at the pack of the box.. SHIT. so like... 500 calories today, maybe more. im doing really shitty of keeping exact count, ive been gone at like 3756278356 places sime 6:30am.

i think im going to go to the gym now..

i hope u girls are doing better than me, comment and tell me plz :)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 04:29:07 GMT

10 POUNDS IN 10 DAYS.

under 300 calories
5 or less grams of fat
NO DESSERTS AND NO SNACKING
record every bite taken
only eat when served (family dinner)
8 or more glasses of water

i MUST lose 10 pounds before i go back to school!!!

today 127.5 pounds BMI 20.6
goal 117.5 pounds BMI 19.0

anyone wanna join me??

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:44:27 GMT

Do any of you girls know of any ana challenges going on now??

Monday, July 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 03:12:55 GMT

i figured it out. i figured out why i cannot stop the anorexia. its not because it is the worst thing in the world like all my friends think... it because i can fall back on ana when i cant fall back on my friends. when i feel like crying, or cutting, or throwing everything in sight, i can get on this xanga and know that i fit in.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:58:54 GMT