my boyfriend saw a picture of me from last summer and said "wow, you used to be pretty chunky" and laughed.

i weigh the same now as a did then. iv gained back every pic of weight i had lost. i have totally and completely failed myself.

i am eatting salads everyday at lunch during the school year, skipping breakfast, and not getting home from soccer practice till 630 everynight so i can maybe skip dinner as well. but i need to lose weight. im desperate. i hate the way i look. i have always though that i have too much fat, but am not nessicarily "fat". i ahve just always wanted to be so much thinner. but that has changed. im fat now. i hate seeing myself naked. im ashamed to let my boyfriend see me anything less than fully clothed. i look in the mirror and wish i hadnt. i am tired of complaining, i need to start making drastic changes.

this needs to go.

my stomach has hurt everytime ive eatten for like 2 weeks. so i stopped eatting. im currently 108 and still dropping.

i got the best compliment today: "Mandi, you really should start eatting. You're honestly starting to look like a skeleton...no offense"  it made my day.

it makes me cry to see these girls. i wish i could be like them. look like them. and im not usually one to conform. i feel like ive failed ana.

118.5

i was 114 a few days ago. but then i ended up across the state in a drom room alonw with nothing but an annoying cat and some food for like 3 days. then i totaled my car and got my liscense taken away for like 6 months.. which i think allows for a little comfort food. cookies or suicial depression seemed like the only 2 options i had... i chose cookies. 

still about 123... i would have like to have lost more.. but oh well.

im on birth control and like 3 medicines that all make me gain weight, and my thyroid levels are all SUPER high which make me gain weight AND makes it reaally hard not to lose weigh. hopefully going to start taking thyroid lower-ers and then weigh loss will be easier. i guess now that i know ive only gained like 10 pounds when i should ahve gained much more its kinda reassuring.

im going to try to be a healthier ana... is there a such thing as that?

123.

much better.            4.5 down, 5.5 to go